The Trolls Are Clawing At The Twin Vulcan Gates


I got a message today via the Twin Vulcan contact form from an anonymous troll named “Ice Man” (funny, I use this alias to troll people too.)

The troll became very angry at the wording of my contact form, that I sprinkled with troll bait just the other day:

I must be a God, because people take everything I say like it’s gospel. And you know what happens to men who anger the Gods. We pick them up and put them in a very bad place on the chessboard:

Here is what the troll screamed at the moon, slobbering into the darkness:

Your Email –
Apart from your (borrowed) logo, your site is a bit of a let down. “Cerebrum like a cabbage”? Bellend. The main message I send is: get a sense of humour.

Ahh – “Bellend” – a word prevalent in the lexicon of English private schoolboys who tend to look like this:

The type of guy who says, "Bellend".

As I type, said hungry troll sent another message. This one was important, however:

Your Email –
Furthermore, stop referring to yourself in the third person (and even worse as a god), it won’t get you anywhere. Consider a change of hair style. As I said, nice (borrowed) logo. 

This troll is very well written. He is a new breed of troll. He uses inverted commas well and has a strong grasp of predicate clauses. He is probably a white troll who feels left out. This troll was able to learn and even relay the words to my own song…

So, here is my list of things to do tomorrow (I’m too tired to do them now):

1. Stop my site being a bit of a let down; make it the kind of thing that surpasses expectations. By this, I should work on it every day until it’s as good as YouTube.

2. Make sure to get a sense of humour; find out how much they cost. This will help with my mental problems (and stop my cerebrum being like a cabbage. In fact, it’s more like mincemeat these days).

3. Stop referring to myself in the third person.

4. DEFINITELY stop referring to myself as a God (it won’t get me anywhere … I thought it would though, I guess not).

5. Consider a change of hairstyle (I don’t have to get a new one, but after considering it, I can make my decision).

6. Remember that my logo is borrowed from a shit movie called Top Gun and that it infringes upon Paramount Pictures’ intellectual property. But cancel plans to change logo (he seems to like it).

Make this multiply!
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